Of NineToed Bone Head's
by FreakazoidChimpanzee
Summary: What if Bone Head and Nine-Toes had survived the Vault Hunters? Man on Man/Slash/Yaoi/Gay/Whatever. You have been warned. Thar be smut in here.


"Fuck." Bernard christened 'Bone Head' by his piece of shit stepfather stumbled away from the carnage left by the vault hunters of what used to be his base.

Every one of his 'underlings' were dead. Gone. Completely fucking obliterated. In short, they had been blown to shit. He had only managed to pick himself up after being awoken by the neighboring skag nest crunching on his former subordinates' bones.

'Fuck.' He had tried to cautiously pick up his gun to blast the monsters off if they came too close, but his gun was missing.

'Fuck.' He tried to slowly back up, and exit the small base. Lucky for him, the skags were not interested in chasing down and killing something when they had a fancy ass buffet laid out before them courtesy the' new candy ass little shits on a treasure hunt' in town. He left, trying his best to not make much noise, through the rocky exit and exhaled in relief upon entering the Arid Badlands road.

For not the first time in his short life, he felt lost. There was a neighboring base, but it was run by that shithead Nine-Toes. The bandits there were probably given orders to shoot Bone Head on site. The base had been eerily quiet as of late though… The next closest place would be in Skag Gully, but that was Nine-Toes' base. Nine-Toes would definitely love the opportunity to have Bone Head begging for help, kissing his nine toed feet.

'Fuck that. He would kill me after recording me begging for help as jack-off material for future use... ' He would have to brave hungry skags to get there too… he hated skags. Didn't that jackass Nine-Toes keep them as pets. "Ugh…" Not a death he wanted to endure, death by being devoured alive by his mortal enemy's disgusting alien hell-spawn.

'The Arid Hills?' A picture of an enraged Sledge popped into his mind. 'Definitely not… but he's more than likely not there… but he visits too frequently… skags… Fuck! Why are they everywhere?'

As if they had read his thoughts, several skags popped curious little heads out of their small caves across the pit he was standing in front of. They instantly focused on him and both parties went silent. Bone Head felt his heart start to beat faster. In the past he'd blast the little fuckers for fun, namely to spite Nine-Toes. He had a tendency to send the heads to his rival's base. Now the tables were turned, and the skags suddenly seemed to be painfully aware of how vulnerable Bone Head was. They were sniffing the air… Oh yeah, he was bleeding profusely.

"Fuck." He felt a slight whimper try to escape his throat. The sun was setting. Oh, how the tables had turned.

One of the skags let out a roar. A few more bright red eyes popped open from within the holes. He suddenly felt very lightheaded and heavy as his body swayed back and forth. His eyes too became heavy as his eyelids closed and he passed out.

* * *

He awoke choking on water. He tried to sit up, but his body screamed for him to lay back down.

"Stay put, Dumbass." He did as he was told and fell back on what appeared to be a bed he'd seen once at the brothel his mom worked at. At least she worked there the last time he'd seen her, but that was what… 7 standard years ago… It made him not want to be on it as he imagined all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases.

'What the hell? That voice.'

"Nine-Toes?" An exasperated sigh followed by a sarcastic, 'No shit, _Bone Head_,' confirmed his suspicions.

"Where am I?" He managed to croak out, his eyes adjusting slowly to the dim light in the room.

"My place." He was blinded briefly by light as a figure left through a flap. Obviously the doorway. More questions came to mind as they slowly filtered their way through to his hazy consciousness. The light blinded him again as Nine-Toes came back through.

"How did I get here?" It all seemed far too surreal. Maybe he was dead? Maybe the skags had finished his sorry ass off on the Arid Badlands road. Now he was to live out the rest of eternity in hell with his worst enemy. Actually, the vault hunters would be considered his worst enemies by this point.

"Dragged your sorry ass through Skag Gully. Way to puss out by passing out, queer-mo." There was some mirth in Nine-Toes' voice though. He felt a slight sting in his right arm. He slowly moved his aching head to look down at his arm and recognized a med kit syringe. Now he was beyond puzzled.

"Did you… save me?" Bone Head started to realize he was bandaged up. His eyes finally adjusted to the room and he made out Nine-Toes' annoyed face. He wasn't wearing his mask, but the hair and the nipples were a dead giveaway. His face seemed to be hardened and weathered from years of tough living. His eyes were an ice cold blue and his face was long with thin lips. Of course, there were piercings everywhere; bridge, lip, and brow. He was actually not that frightening like this though. He probably had to wear the mask to command more authority.

"I would never 'save' your stupid ass. I went to your base after those fucking vault hunters ruined my pad, and shot my…" He started to get choked up, which Bone Head found unnerving. "My poor Pinky… Digit."

"They shot your finger off?" Nine-Toes appeared to be doomed to have an awkward amount of body parts.

"No!" He snapped in retaliation, so much venom in his voice that his eyes started to turn red from the force. "My… my darling baby skags…"

'He named them? And that of all things… weirdo.'

He needed to change the subject. "So… why did you come to my base?" He gingerly propped himself up onto his elbows. He took note of all of the bloody bandages around his bed. Nine-Toes had apparently been dressing his wounds for quite some time.

"To kill you and take your base." Bone Head almost lost his balance and fell back. How could Nine-Toes be so nonchalant as though he had said nothing akin to his plan to murder Bone Head? And why did he bother saving him? "Then I realized, as I walked down the road, that the shirtless freak wearing a skag skull on his head and oozing blood was you, and skags were starting to wise up that you weren't such a badass without your big bad gun. Then, like a woman on the rag, you passed out from blood loss and pain." Bone Head scowled. "I got to you before the skags did, and they respected my wishes to take you away as we have some semblance of respect for each other."

"Why didn't you let them eat me? You hate me." Bone Head fixed Nine-Toes with a firm scowl. Nine-Toes glared back.

"Well, it's not like we can go running to Sledge to tell him we fucked up and lost any chance of conquering Fyrestone now is it? Well, maybe you could get away with such a fuck up, but I sure as hell can't."

"What do you mean, 'maybe I could get away with it'?" Bone Head made to sit up completely, only to be stopped by Nine-Toes' palm resting firmly on his shoulder.

"Don't. Your wounds will reopen. Don't play stupid with me. We both know you aren't stupid. I'm talking about that fucking face you hide behind your skull helmet." Nine-Toes softly pushed for Bone Head to lay back down. Bone Head didn't comply.

"What about my fucking face?" Nine-Toes could sure be one cryptic sonovabitch when he wanted to be.

"Hello? You could probably just let Sledge fuck you and be a-ok!" The idea was as repulsive as it was appalling. He punched Nine-Toes. Hard. Nine Toes retaliated by backhanding him equally as hard and straddling him to hold him down.

"Get off you mother fucker! I would never fuck Sledge!" Bone Head tried to struggle but was still exhausted.

"Something tells me you wouldn't be the one doing the fucking in that situation." He heard a chuckle followed by a more serious, "Stop moving! You're going to reopen your damn wounds that I slaved away all day at healing!" So Nine-Toes had been at this for close to 90 hours.

'Damn.' He stopped struggling. "So, what? What do you want? God only knows you didn't do this out of the kindness of your heart…" Nine-Toes smirked.

"Easier to survive in twos on Pandora than solo, plus, I'd like to dish out a little payback on some vault hunters." Bone Head had to agree. Not a bad plan. Take care of the vault hunters together. They always had time to kill each other later. He felt himself smirk.

* * *

_Nine-Toes dragged Bone Head through Skag Gully, back to his pad. It was difficult and the amount of blood Bone Head was losing was ridiculous. _

_He had managed to stop the bleeding after getting back and using up a crap ton of his med-kits. If he was going to enlist the help of his rival, he needed to prevent his dirty and bloody nemesis from dying of infection and blood loss. He got to work cleaning the various cuts and gashes adorning the more lithe form lying on his bed. In order to make sure there were no wounds to Bone Head's head, he removed the skag skull adorning it. _

_He was caught completely off guard by what lay beneath. Dirty, blood soaked, matted, blond hair framed a symmetrical, tan face with full lips. Bone Head was… hot. _

_He slowly cleaned blood out of hair listening to the soft and shallow breathing._

_

* * *

_

It had been a couple of days, and Bone Head was finally well enough to get out and about. He and Nine-Toes scrounged up some weapons hidden around the base and went to kill some rakk for food. After a successful hunt and feast, they discussed/argued plans. When they weren't discussing or arguing plans, they sat in uncomfortable silence until Nine-Toes inevitably had to start a pointless conversation.

"So, How long have you been known as 'Bone Head'?" He smirked a smirk that Bone Head was beginning to grow familiar with.

"Ugh… I don't know… what kind of question is that?" It was getting dark and a little chilly, and he was starting a small bonfire. Nine-Toes sat in silence for a while contemplating his new 'ally'. It felt to Bone Head like he was being dissected. "What?" He finally asked as his fire was finished. He plopped down beside it and winced a little at the slight discomfort from his ribs. Nine-Toes joined him at the fire.

"Truth or Dare?" Bone Head wasn't sure if it was the question or the serious expression that accompanied it, but he burst out laughing for what felt like the first time in ages.

"What?" He curiously looked Nine-Toes in the eyes, which was returned with a casual shrug.

"Truth or Dare? It's a game, you see-" Bone Head put his head in his hands. Nine-Toes was so weird.

"I know what it is…" He sighed.

"Oh? Then you wouldn't mind playing, or are you still on your period, Goldilocks?" Bone Head gave him a level glare.

"Fine, whatever." He turned back to the fire. It was entrancing and far more inviting than Nine-Toes' stupid game.

"Alrighty then!" He was just a little too chipper for Bone Head's taste, he was suddenly second guessing his willingness to play. "Truth or Dare?" Dare seemed to be too dangerous with Nine-Toes involved.

"Truth…" Nine-Toes' face lit up with manic glee. 'Uh oh… wrong choice.'

"What's your real name?"

"Bernard." Nine-Toes scowled.

"Bernard what? I asked for your name. Not just your first name."

"Rickenshaw." Nine-Toes chuckled.

"Alright then, Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"What's your real name?" Nine-Toes shrugged.

"I don't know." Bone Head scowled.

"Bullshit." Nine-Toes scowled back.

"No bullshit. I'm an orphan. I don't know." Bone Head's face softened. "Bernie." The scowl was back.

"My name isn't fucking Bernie."

"Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"Who do you get your looks from, _Bernard_?" He drawled the name out. Bone Head seemed to consider the question quite seriously.

"Uh… my mom, no… maybe my dad? I don't know."

"How do you not know? Who's the hot piece you favor?" He stared at Bone Head quizzically.

"I would say my mom, but I don't know who my dad is, so… maybe my dad, my mom's not blond and she doesn't have green eyes. Her eyes are brown. Part of the proof that she's full of shit, I guess." They made eye contact again.

"Woah, did he like run out on her or something?" Bone Head started laughing.

"In a manner of speaking. She's a whore. Like literally. Works at a brothel several planets away. At least she did last I checked."

"Oh." Nine-Toes started scooting on his butt around the fire until he was right by Bone Head. "Did she give you any pointers on how to help a brutha out?" He slowly did the cheesy stretching of the arms in the air until he wrapped one around Bone Head.

"Christ, your armpits smell." Bone Head scooted out of reach. "And no, I left when I was 10, lucky for me she didn't approve of take your kid to work day at the whorehouse. Left me with her asshole husband… That's it!"

"What?" Nine-Toes stopped trying to discern if his armpits actually stank.

"That's where I got my nickname, Step-dad. Ugh... Hey weirdo, try washing with water and soap, not wiping the stink off with rags." He slowly dropped the rag he was using, staring at Bone Head puzzled. Bone Head rolled his eyes. "Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"How did you lose your toe?" The confused and outraged face that followed was comical to say the least.

"I thought you took it!" Bone Head made a disgusted face.

"How the hell would I get to it, much less, why the hell would I want it?"

"Everyone wants a piece of me, whore baby!"

"What did you call me, skag breath?" Bone Head made to stand up, he was done with this silly, immature game.

"Truth or Dare?" He gave Nine-Toes a smoldering glare."C'mon, don't puss out now! ... Coward…" Smirk.

"Dare." He was not prepared for the onslaught of lecherous looks he received. "What?"

"Fuck me." Bone Head's jaw dropped.

"What? No!" Nine-Toes sighed.

"Ok… then... let me touch you." The hopeful and desperate look in his eyes made Bone Head lose some of his resolve.

"…okay… Nothing weird though, alright?" Nine-Toes shook his head vigorously in agreement. Bone Head sat back down as Nine-Toes crawled over. He hadn't expected it, so when it happened he melted like a rock in lava. Nine-Toes gave excellent massages. He was driven to whimpering, panting and squirming. At some point, Nine-Toes assisted him to the inside of his living space, and instructed him to lay out on the bed. He complied. He'd never had a massage in his life, only somewhat less than violent touches from comrades. He hadn't really seen a woman since he was 10, and the women on Pandora were rumored to be as violent as the men. He completely lost himself in the foreign feeling.

The feeling of something wet on his neck brought him somewhat out of his haze, until he felt the pressure of his neck being bit and sucked. He couldn't control his panting and let out a loud breathy and needy moan. The hands on his back slowly made their way down to his pants where they eventually slipped in. He moved to stop the hands, but froze when they made contact with his long neglected arousal.

"Relax." Was the huskily breathed word against his neck. The hand continued its assault before he could control himself or make a coherent response. Slowly he felt air touching parts of him that were at one point covered.

He turned rigid. Something was intruding in an area where things weren't supposed to go. Whispered assurances and more biting and sucking distracted him for a minute. Then something else intruded and it became uncomfortable.

"What are you doing?" He managed to breathe out.

"Giving you something we both need." Came the husky reply.

"Which is?"

"Shhhh… Just ride it out… Something that will feel reeeeal good. Don't act stupid." Something else went in, then it hurt.

"Cut it out." He made to push Nine-Toes off, but was spun around to face him. His back hit the soft mattress. Nine-Toes was hunched over him.

"Don't act like a blushing virgin. A bunch of guys living together with no women. C'mon now." Bone Head wasn't entirely sure where Nine-Toes was going with it. If there were no women around of course he'd be a virgin, right?

Nine-Toes must have read his confused face because his eyes widened in surprise.

"Woah! You are sexually repressed! If you want, I could change all that right now." Aside from the pain, he was liking the attention. It didn't hurt that much.

"Ok." He was curious after all. The joy on Nine-Toes face was surprising. Nine-Toes pulled off his pants, and Bone Head had to do a double take. He really did have three balls... what a weird man.

He spit onto his fingers and reinserted them one at a time slowly scissoring. It hurt. Bone-Head screwed his eyes shut and turned his head to the side only to feel the menstruations halt and feel a soothing hand and mouth work their way around his body. He relaxed a little and felt the fingers resume what they were doing.

That's when it happened. Whatever it was, it made Bone Head see blinding white hot pleasure. He heard a soft chuckle and realized he was whimpering and panting like a skag in heat. The fingers were removed and replaced by something bigger. Something much bigger. He let out a howl of pain as whatever it was slowly worked its way in. It hurt so much.

"Please stop…" He heard himself begging, clenching his eyes shut. He didn't expect Nine-Toes to comply, but he did.

"You ok?" There was actual concern in the voice.

"It hurts…" He felt tears sting at the corners of his eyes. Nine-Toes sighed a little.

"It will get better… I promise. Let me try and if it's too much, I'll stop, ok?" He sounded desperate. Bone Head let out a shaky breath and nodded for him to continue. The pain commenced until after what felt like an eternity, then Nine-Toes stopped moving. "Ok, this will hurt until I find a certain spot. Just bear with me. Ok?"

Bone Head nodded his head again.

It was awful. He felt himself whimpering in pain, and once or twice he let out a pained scream. Nine-Toes' onslaught felt relentless and endless. Nine-Toes kept changing angles, each seemed more painful than the last. He wanted to die.

Then it happened again, the white hot pleasure, and he let out a pleasured moan. He heard Nine-Toes give a triumphant noise as he kept working from that angle, and Bone Head's moans turned into pleasured screams. Nine-Toes started touching him in another area and stroking what he found there.

It was too much, Bone head let out a mindless scream as he felt himself come, Nine-Toes followed right after, passing out on top of Bone Head.

* * *

He woke up to shoving after what felt like a less than a minute nap. In a tangle of limbs Nine-Toes was soon aware of how close they both were, as well as exactly what position they were in.

"G-get off…" Bone Head looked frightened.

"Hey, what's the rush? Got somewhere to be?" He didn't move, mesmerized as he was by his lovely blond captive. Apparently missionary was the position the stars had chosen for them and he didn't want to pull out yet. It was so inviting, tight and warm.

"Get…off…" The whisper seemed like a more frightened and desperate plea than a command. Bone Head's eyes darted behind Nine-Toes. Nine-Toes slowly pulled out as Bone Head winced, in pain. He sat up and helped pull Bone Head up. Bone Head mouthed a word that Nine-Toes was hoping he misread. He slowly turned around to a very, very unhappy looking Sledge, and several other bandits.

"Beat it." At the phrase the five or so other bandits took off, a few making cat calls and laughing. "How's the taking over Fyrestone?" Nine-Toes felt the need to be as much in front of Bone Head as humanly possible, lest Sledge caught wind of him as a nice P.O.A. (Piece of Ass), and made him his own personal fuck toy. If he was to be anyone's fuck toy, damn it, he was going to be Nine-Toes'.

"Oh, hit a few bumps in the road, maybe a snag or two, but you know how these things can get! We've decided to pool our collective resources and take out Fyrestone and then kill each other." He finished the mini-speech with a cheesy grin.

"Hmm… You look far from killing each other." Sledge started to look behind Nine-Toes, who promptly leaned into the line of sight.

"Oh, you know, one of the hazards of the trade, amirite?" He grinned wider. Sledge got closer. Nine-Toes grabbed a blanket and gun and threw the two items behind himself to Bone Head. "Honey, would you be a dear and go clean up in the chasm."

"Stay." They both cringed.


End file.
